I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize