I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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