theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
and you fell through a lawn chair
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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