I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
