I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
