I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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