i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
