mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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