you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
