What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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