How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
