How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
