Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
