I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize