If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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