we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
