Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My feet surprised me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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