Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
