"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
