38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
