I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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