just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
