brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
