the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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