Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
