is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
