We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
