what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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