It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
