So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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