You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
