I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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