Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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