wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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