I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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