i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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