i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
