id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
