If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
