I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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