she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just found a bag of teeth...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!