Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?