LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.