i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.