So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
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If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.