Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck