Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
