Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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