I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
