It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
