I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
