so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
