Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Semen is not good for contacts.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
