My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
