So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
