my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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