Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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