Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
