Will you blow on my dice?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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