The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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