I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
