I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
