My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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