well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
