not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
