id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
