When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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